Congratulations!

The process, mind process

 

Monday, March 26, 2012

serc starting point

even though i miss home and family so much, really appreciating being immersed in teaching and learning, to be reminded that i am a professional, competent, and able to contribute in a meaningful way, still the same individual of continuing and sustaining identity. no wonder it's so hard to let go of this part of my life..

 

 

Thursday, March 29, 2012

submitted

finally submitted with 29 minutes left till the deadline.

what a grueling process it has been and so much sacrifice of too many people.

(i know that this is not a complete sentence, but i'm so fried i don't care.)

 

whatever happens now will be in God's greater plans...

 

 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

round one

got a call from mission for the first round of interviews.

and the intensity begins (again)..

 

 

Saturday, April 21, 2012

not 방콕, but 스타벅스콕

so very long hours at starbucks again.

so ... sick of ... this ... place .....

 

 

Monday, April 23, 2012

utter incompetence in relaxation

panic, strained breathing, drop in body temperature ... and occasional urge to just cry.

really, this degree of stress is unwarranted.

the pressure is supposed to make me more productive, not go berserk in fear.

 

must try pilates tonight..

there's gotta be a better way of calming down than binge eating loads of carbs. at this rate, i will really become diabetic.

 

pendulum

wildly fluctuating between oh-my-gosh-i'm-going-to-die and no-prob-i-can-handle-this.

 

right now, overwhelmed by the sheer amount that will need to be done in order to be adequately prepared --> breathe, breathe, panic.

 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

changing gears

deciding to take a different approach.

this super tense, gotta-be-ultra-productive-or-perish attitude is actually resulting in less productivity with me running around with open questions all over as if i'm a crazy person on fire and crappy health condition accompanied by monstrous (and certainly not interview presentable) i've-been-stung-by-a-bee looking swollen eyelids. worst of all, i end up having to sleep more than usual to recuperate and "waste" more time than needed anyway.

 

so, the goal is to relaaax as much as possible, take it with a lighter heart, enjoy frequent short breaks, and maintain a healthy, normal schedule.

 

yeah, easier said than done -but if i don't try, i certainly won't be getting even an inch closer to the goal, right?

 

* update *

i had a MUCH more enjoyable work session and still have energy left to get some more work done. =)

 

 

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

life is ...

.. a marathon.

 

first round of interview came and went -smoothly and pleasantly.

and back to more work.

the second round, if invited, will be some time in mid-may..

gotta find a way to squeeze in at least one day of rest before then.

 

 

Friday, May 11, 2012

vote of confidence

gracious encouragement from my advisor and chair.

 

it's the vote of confidence, faith, and respect of those who support me that fuel and re-energize what would otherwise be an inevitably tumultuous and crazy last minute preparation and self-doubting attacks!

 

 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

can't believe the time is here. in less than 24 hours, it'll all be over.

 

super scared, heart pounding, nervous -but i'll do my best, i have to; too many people have come so far for me, for this opportunity..

 

give it all and after that, "let God"...

 

 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

when would this finally end?

depressed, discouraged, and head swirling.

 

i don't know what the h-ll i'm doing right now. i could have been pretty comfortable with my already tenured position and here i am having to go around begging for a place to work like some pathetic loser.

 

i know it's my negative side speaking, but at least that's how i feel.

 

i know, i know.. more than anything i am thankful for more important things in life and i am glad to be in the bay area -life has been so much brighter and fuller here than in socal- but there is no denying that it's been pretty excruciating in terms of my career, self-identity, and pride. =/

 

taking a beating..

 

 

Monday, May 21, 2012

STILL no official word

사람을 말려 죽인다.

 

 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

thank You, thank You, dear God..

the relief, the happiness, the incredible thankfulness...

 

and so begins again my opportunity and privilege to live out my calling, passion, for the goodness, for hopes and dreams, courage and perseverance of those who deserve a chance, for the glory of the one who continues to overflow my cup even when i fall so short so often..

 

it's a *true honor.*